That conversation is 100% real, and this is why screenshots are important kids!
Part 1: Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior Yeezus?
Let’s talk about ghosting. Ghosting, according to urban dictionary, is “When a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they’re dating, with zero warning or notice before hand.” Remember this because it will be important later on. So on one of my many bouts using tinder I met a guy named, lets call him Bread. I met him on tinder during the time that Bernie Sanders was running for president. I introduced myself saying: “Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior Bernie Sanders?”. It worked, because Bread was quick to respond with “Only if you have a minute to talk about our lord and savior Yeezus??” A funny guy. I was already interested. We joked about a presidential ticket that included Bernie Sanders, and Kanye West. The entire conversation was quite ludacris, but I found him genuine, and he was pretty cute. At least cute for me. Before this point, I had pretty low standards, and while I try not to judge completely off looks, he had a nice smile, and pretty ginger hair. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. Over the next week we planned a date together for dinner at Ihop. I got to the shopping center that Ihop was in early, and hung in the World Market next door. I texted my friend telling her how nervous I was, and even considered bailing, but decided that wouldn’t be the descent thing. Guys please follow your instincts! Bread showed up, and I met him outside.
“Hey Hibachi!” I waved at him, and smiled.
“Hey Bread! Ready for some pancakes!?” We hit it off right away it seemed.
At dinner I learned that Bread was currently teaching elementary school band, with the hopes of moving to a middle or high school. I was really embarrassed to share any information on my job which was at a pet store at the time. Even when I did open up about it, he seemed genuinely interested in what I did, and listened intently to my stories. We talked about music for a bit, and I brought up that I played the ukulele. He suddenly got very excited.
“I can’t play any stringed instruments! I can play the piano, trumpet, and half a dozen other things, but I could never figure out a guitar or ukulele. Do you have a video of you playing?” It just so happened that I had a video of me doing a few Disney songs on the ukulele, and I shared it with him. He smiled, and nodded his head to the beat, and when it was over he says “Wow that was incredible!” He certainly knew the right things to say to make me like him more and more. I blushed a his compliment, and took my phone back. We sat awkwardly for a minute before Bread speaks again.
“Do you maybe want to go out, drive around or something. I’ve really enjoyed hanging out with you, and I kind of don’t want the night to end.”
“Um… yeah! Sure!” I quickly texted my friend who dropped me off to not wait up. Probably not the safest thing I’d ever done, but really who was I kidding, some cute guy wanted to keep hanging out, what was I to do, right? When I look back I probably should have said, this has been nice, let’s plan another date. Nobody is perfect though. When we got to his car I thought to myself that it was from the future because it was BRAND SPANKING NEW. What was I doing with this grown ass teacher, in this nice ass car, when I knew damn well I catch fish for a living? I brushed the thought aside, and decided to just enjoy my night. We really did just drive around… Listening to A LOT of Kanye. This guy LOVED Kanye. I mean he woke up loving Kanye, loved Kanye when he ate lunch, probably hums Kanye while using the restroom. In retrospect it is actually a little disturbing. I love somethings, but no one loves anything the way that Bread loves Kanye. Bread busta few rhymes in the car, and he wasn’t bad for a white boy, but it was still not good. After about 3 hours, of exploring the city, and by that I mean aimlessly driving around, while Bread pretended to be the next Eminem, we stopped at a Cookout.
“Hey can I get a cookout tray with a chicken quesadilla, fries, and chicken nuggets. Another cookout tray with a hotdog, fries, and chicken nuggets, a chocolate shake, and a large sprite, no ice cubes.”
“You’re total will be eleven dollars, and 50 cent, please drive around to the second window.” I reached for my wallet, and he insisted he pay for the Cookout on top of the Ihop. I smiled, and let him pay. It was amazing to me how even the most common actions made my heart flutter. We sat together, and ate in the car, talking about music, and our jobs. He told me he was once in a band, and I felt, AGAIN, like I was hitting the jack pot. This guy had a brand new car, he had a job that wasn’t in retail, he was handsome, and polite, and on the surface, there wasn’t a damn thing wrong with the guy. That probably should have been my first sign. Unfortunately as I’ve mentioned in a previous post, people do some dumb things for love, and relationships. As you’ll soon see. Eventually the date came to a close, and it ended with us making out rather heavily in his car. As much as I wanted him right there in that car, I knew I wasn’t going to have sex in someone’s car right outside my house, that my mother, and good friend were currently sleeping in. I waved Bread goodbye before disappearing inside to giggle like a little girl over the magnificent date, with the ‘magnificent’ man I had managed to woo. The next day I filled my friend Stephanie in on all the happenings of the date. I was excited to go on more, and I gushed about how perfect everything was, or so I thought. Don’t worry dear friends, Bread takes a nose dive REAL soon. This was part 1 of Guys! Ghosting is not cool! And Neither is Kanye! Stick around for part two for some real embarrassment from Breads side, AND my own!
Listen to your instincts,
Hibachi Chicken
P.S. – Please don’t hate on my rapper puns, I couldn’t resist!
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